Got Out of an Abusive Relationship Just Soon Enough

          (Names have been changed)

          A lot has happened in a short amount of time. Three weeks ago I met Parker. I had gone to his house a couple different times. We seemed to really hit it off; but, he and I were always arguing. He'd always get mad at me if I said something wrong – but if he said something wrong, he was fine. Last Monday we went to FHE together and on the way there I said something (don't remember what exactly) and he got upset and gave me the cold shoulder / silent treatment along with a stink eye. During FHE he put on a face and things started getting better like we were doing good, and touchy and cute. Then towards the end, he came up to me and whispered in my ear, “I can't wait to get back into the car so I can be mad at you.” WHO GETS EXCITED TO GET MAD AT SOMEONE THEY CARE ABOUT?! I mean...seriously. There have been many instances where he gets upset with me, calls me mean, and walks out on me. Then eventually he gets all nice, “I love you. I miss you.” etc.

          We ended up fixing his car Thursday evening and going back to St. George Friday afternoon. I hung out with him and I went to church with him on Sunday. That evening we skyped my family and his parents pressured him into asking my dad for his blessing for my hand in marriage. He did it with writing on a piece of paper and with everyone around. It was intense and awkward...in which my dad originally said no, then in the end said yes. We were excited but it still felt off.

          Our entire relationship we have been on and off with arguments. It was getting annoying. And I was always the one persevering. Always the one trying hard to get things done. He always gave up and played the victim card. Like with his car, he gave up immediately and I did all the hard work on getting things done. He didn't even try. Not only that but he constantly...CONSTANTLY lied to his parents. I don't wanna be with a liar! There were many times I wondered if I really wanted to be with him. I seemed to turn a blind eye at everything though because I loved being romanced. Not only was he mentally psycho, but he kept trying to reach down my pants and  had to be on my breasts...no matter how many times I said no. He'd BEG me to let him. Thankfully, HF blessed me with the desire to be righteous and not have sexual desires. It was interesting because in the beginning, I obviously had feelings for him that made me want that with him in the beginning; but, as time went on, it seemed like that was the only thing he ever wanted. It scared me thinking he only wanted sexual activities with me. I didn't know what to do. There were times I was scared he'd rape me. There was also a night that he was upset with me, so he took my pinky and pushed it's nail into my forehead. SERIOUSLY!? Then there's yesterday.

          I came back to Vegas Monday morning from St. George. My mind was running in circles. Later that evening, Parker did some praying and scripture studies and came upon scriptures that was telling him to make the distance here to Vegas than me there to St. George, (he was ALWAYS complaining about Vegas and how Utah is way better, etc). He also came upon three different scriptures that said that I have God with me, and His spirit. That meant a lot to me. Well, that night right before I went to bed, I said a prayer and opened up my scriptures, and the first thing I popped open was something in D&C reading about how he's in the grasp of Satan and has a bad spirit about him...etc. Was freaky. I don't remember the exact scripture. I pushed it off thinking it was just a random scripture that I opened. Then, that night I had a dream. I was practically already engaged with Parker; but, I kept being drawn to this other guy. I only wanted to be in this other guy's arms and spend time with him rather than with my fiance Parker. I woke up yesterday morning confused. “Why would I have that kind of dream. I'm with Parker– not some other guy.” My parents came up with an email on how to prepare for Marriage for the two of us. It was full of great advice anyone would be lucky to have to get ready. But NOOO Parker threw a HUGE fit on how he doesn't need advice, and how he's been married before without the ring. Here, I'll show you the conversation we had...and you'll see how messed up it was:

          Me: My dad sent me the email this morning.

          Parker: I’m going to be honest I don’t know if I’ll be able to wait that much longer I need you ASAP!

          Me: will you at least read the email with an open mind and heart? and with a prayer?

          Parker: No. Been married I know what to expect

          Me: please. you have not been married.you have lived with someone. there's a difference

This is important to me

          Parker: Nope. Same banking , same money. Same house same investments , I was married but without the ring. And the paper to say so ...

          Me: *sends him the email's text*

          Parker: Not reading Sorry

           Me: It's important to me This is stuff I'd wanna talk about myself

          Parker: Nope

          Me: you know, I'm trying to do so much stuff for you. I reach out to everyone I know and push myself to do as much as I can for you. The least you could do is read this and work with me

          Parker: STOP WITH THE PLANNING you can’t plan a future or even comprehend what will go awry ... do you need to read a book on how to be a mother? It should it come natural same for any relationship

          Me: no but it's good to be prepared as much as we can. It's like, we don't know what will happen or why we'll need it, but we've been asked to store food to be prepared.

          Parker: I'm out. Not every diet works for every person. Not every exercise works for every person. Every person is unique and needs to find out what diet works best for them. I can’t take advice from someone who is 300 pounds on how to loose weight. Because they don’t know my body type. Or metabolism or average daily calorie intake. It’s the same for a relationship with 2 people no 2 partners are the same every relationship is so different. And I think it’s insane to take much advice from someone else’s point of view from a different partner and different circumstances... you should trust your self and your partner on how to fix things and what to expect. ... it just doesn’t make sense to take words from a different story and try to add to another. Before it has even started. Yes there is the basic stuff like love each other and support and help out another and all that stuff ... but everyone knows that. You don’t have to read a book on how to breath. .. it just is common sense. ... I don’t want to read it I know we will be fine. You are all I want. And to further my point of view .. if you are reading something from another persons point of view with a different person in a different. Generation and circumstances how to do your relationship... than you should also probably read a book on how to have sex... none of us know how to do it at first. But it’s still natural common sense to us. In and out in and out. Kiss here do that everyone knows that ... it’s common sense same for the basics of relationships... that’s just my point of view on it ... sorry to disappoint but that’s my final word for it

          Oh....my...goodness....how immature can one person get?! I got this message and I was dumbfounded. I didn't know what to do. I had a strong urge to call my dad. Luckily, I had a break from work and was on my way to massage therapy. On the way there I called my dad and explained everything to him. He immediately said, “GET OUT! Run!” That meant a lot to me cause my dad doesn't usually get that worked up about someone. I was crying. I've never fallen in love before and my heart was saying stay, while my brain was saying get out!  After talking with my dad awhile, I told him something that really felt strong in me. I have been home for three years from my mission. In that time I have matured a lot mentally and spiritually. I know what I want. I know what I'm looking for in someone and where I'm going. I want to be able to discuss these things, plans and advice with that special someone. If someone isn't willing to accept advice from someone that's gone down similar paths, and won't talk about it with their partner, then that's pathetic. I'm not going to settle for someone who treats me less that I am. My dad said he'd give me a blessing that night after I got off work. With his help, I replied to that long message he sent me.

Me: The fact that you're not willing accept advice and set some goals and plans together scares me. How do you intend to get where we want to go? To find tramsportation and making means of money so we can be together. What is your next step? Help me understand how you want to move forward? What options do you have for finding and getting to work?

          Parker: The fact you’re saying this means you’re out. Just because I won’t read a stupid email doesn’t mean our entire relationship is f***** The fact you don’t take my advice is frustrating too listen to your spouse. Dude. Answer me. Alright whatever I’m turning my phone off for the night I’ve had enough stress this week I don’t need added pointless stress over an email. , I’ll just stay here and let you figure it out. Make a wiki page on how to work this. Or ask your parents. Don’t ask me cause that would be weird to ask your partner am I right ? Goodnight.

          I mean...WOW! I was talking to my dad and he FLIPPED that I wasn't answering right away. I mean seriously, something is wrong with this guy. I wonder if that 3 year toxic relationship he was in is what made him this kind of person, or if he was like this before that. Either way...YIKES!  Yeah...now my parents can see the person I've been dealing with for the last month. I've just been trying to get past it, but it seems to only be getting worse. On Sunday I fasted to know if I should continue this journey with him. And ever since then, red flags have been bombarding our relationship. I'm very grateful that HF gave me such a strong answer to my fast / prayers. In the end, I wrote back saying:

          Me: Sounds like we need a little time. I'm gonna ask my dad for a blessing tonight.

          Much later on in the evening he wrote back saying,

“We don’t need time. It’s just an email you are welcome to it. Respect that I don’t want it please.”

          My mind was racing the rest of the day. It kept going back and forth on loving him and wanting to get away from him. How nice he is to how annoying and rude he is. My parents later on told me that that's how an abusive person is. One minute they're rude and despicable, and the next they're lovey dovey. That scared me. I didn't know what to do though. I didn't know if I should end it with him, or give him more chances to man up. I knew I needed that blessing more than anything.

          That evening I talked with both my parents on the phone (my dad filled my mom in on everything). I continued on explaining more of what he and I have been through. The more I explained, the more my parents didn't like him and wanted me out. The nice thing is, they understood where I was coming from and understood that I loved him. They also understood how much of an abusive man he is whether or not he recognizes it. Before the blessing, my mom said a prayer. I was in tears. I BEGGED HF to be blunt with me and not beat around the bush. I needed Him to be blunt. And I also begged for a timeline in my eyes on when I would meet my guy if Parker isn't him. My heart was racing. I loved him even though he's a jerk...he has a good side to him to. I loved how he looked at me when he wasn't mad at me...how he randomly danced with me. I loved the cute nick names he called me and the plans of kids and such. But I know there were more red flags than green and they were very overpowering.

          My dad gave me the most spiritual and uplifting and hopeful blessing I've ever had before. It was everything I was needing. He was completely blunt and loving. If this is how he's treating me now and it's getting worse, imagine how it'd be down the line a couple months to a few years. It'd be terrible! I'm grateful for the strength He promised me; because, in order to break up with him, I'd need a lot of strength. Again, my mind is telling me to get out and my heart is in love with him. I've never been in love before....I was in a battle in my head. That's why I was so grateful the blessing was so blunt – that way I couldn't go back and forth in my mind anymore...I knew what I needed to do and I knew what direction was right. 

          And now looking back, that dream that I had about being more comfortable with another guy makes complete sense to me now. HF was preparing me both with that off scripture and the dream. I seriously can't be more grateful than I am right now! I mean...wow! What a BLESSING!

I didn't respond to Parker's last messages and I just went to sleep. This morning I said a deep prayer asking for the strength he promised me. I knew I needed to do this with my head and not let my heart get into it. I rehearsed how to talk to him a couple times before I called. As soon as he picked up he answered with, “I miss you! I Love you!” Did just what my parents predicted in going back and forth with emotions. Oh my goodness it was hard. Hearing that just broke my heart sooooooo much! I was silent and my heart was racing making it a little difficult to breath. Eventually I said, “Parker, we need to talk.” “You're breaking up with me, aren't you?” Was his response. I continued on with what I rehearsed, “I have done much scripture study and praying and it has helped me see how much we disagree and...” I just continued on. He started getting really upset telling me how I lied to him about never giving up on him. He cussed at me with the F bomb...it was so hard. He then started begging me to not break up with him – how he KNOWS I'm the one. After I finished my speal, I had to take a break otherwise I would lose it. I kept replaying the blessing in my mind and knew that I needed to do this. By the end of the conversation I calmly said, “I'm sorry, but I feel very strongly about this.” He cried saying, “Alright...I guess I'll see you around.” BROKE MY HEART! As soon as he hung up and bawled my eyes out! I knew it was the right decision...but it didn't make it any less hard. I called my mom sobbing. I texted my sister and a few others. She called me and talked to me, “It's ok to be sad. It was the right decision – I'm glad you got out of it. You'll find love again.” I mean...WHEN DID SHE BECOME SO WISE!? She matured in such a distance with this, I was in shock! It was nice to have a mature talk with her though. I shared parts of my blessing with her, which gave me more peace. It was a good talk. 

          I had spoken with my roommate last night too and she and her boyfriend already knew he was trouble and not good. But she told me that she wasn't going to say anything to me cause one, she knew how much I liked him and two because she knew that I was smart and close to the spirit, so I would come to know of the truth and make the right decision. That meant a lot to me. She also said she's kicking everyone out. So that means I can stay a little longer too!

          Though lots of struggles and trials have been placed on my path recently, there have been SO many blessings to replace every single one of them! I truly have had the Lord's hand in my life!

Welp, I better go. Gotta get back to work! Wish me luck. I feel good, but it still hurts.

( Next Day)

I ended up going into work and my boss told me he tried calling the work phone (Caller ID said his name) and he commented on our business YouTube video, "I believed in you. I trusted you." Wow...can I say immature!? Sure, I blocked him on practically everything...but to go and post that on a business channel? That was uncalled for. And to call my boss? Come on Parker, I know you know better than that. Makes me grateful his car broke down again in St. George so he can't come back here to Vegas.